Teething

Yep, it has begun...

Bottom of Boo Boo's gum has a bumpity bump bump! He is always got his finger in his mouth or he wants his pacifier. He hasn't really fussed fussed yet, but last night he kept waking up every 2 hours and I had to give him his pacifier to go back to sleep.

Hope it goes fast for him...

He doesn't like any of his teethers, he spits them out like it tastes bad or something. I am not sure if I want to spend the money on amber or not.  I guess we will just go with the flow.

Wish us luck ;)

Mom Hair...Those Dreadful Words...

I have been doing fun things with my hair since Middle School.  From crazy color bangs (that didn't show up well on my dark brown hair) to bleaching parts and adding fun colors that way, to just having bleach parts, and than red hair for a couple years.

When I started dating Hubby I went back to my natural hair and have never really looked back. I am really starting to miss out on my fun hair! I know I am a mom and a wife now, but I am still only 22 years old and I want something fun!
I have always had bangs and after Boo Boo was born I started growing them out! It's working good so far and I can't wait for them to be all grown out.


Side note: HOLY DUCK hair loss! I feel like I am going bald. I am sick of this postpartum hair loss already! When will it end? Thinking of finding good vitamins and hoping that helps. Hubby keeps saying stuff about my hair like I can help it or something. Like I really want my hair to fall out? I am sick of it as well!


Anyways, next month or so when my bangs are about grown out, I want to do something more that is not "mom hair". I have been dying to dye my hair (haha) for a long time now, so I think I am going to do it! I see all these girls with the bottom half of their hair dyed a different color and I REALLY want to try that! Don't care what others say, I am going to go for it! I just can't decide what color because I do want to keep my brown on top. So either blonde or red on bottom....hmmmm. I am thinking more blonde and if it doesn't look right I can try red right away.

Can't wait! I will post a picture up when I do it!
No mom hair for this one!!
=D

Enjoying The Simple Things

I live in Wisconsin so today was the first day I was able to take Boo Boo for a walk around the block in his stroller. It was still kind of cold, but doable for a walk none the less! Even though he was born late August, by the time I healed from surgery and everything it was too cold for walks.

Of course he slept the whole time =/

But it was that simple thing I really enjoyed.  It reminded me of my pregnancy walks talking to him about anything that was on my mind.  Boo Boo knows things that no one else does.  Even though he will never remember, it is still a nice feeling to share with him.

Than the summer will come and as he turns a year old he will be walking and doing things on his own already.  Time is going by so fast that I am not sure if I am ready for an independent baby! I am as excited as can be about it all, but part of me will really miss this first year. Learning everything together has been an adventure to say the least! And in about a week he will already be 6 months old! 

The simple things; like walks, talks and coos, singing about the moon. Making him smile with my smile is the best.

Come Spring time come! I can't wait for more walks and to show Boo Boo the Earth coming to life! It is my favorite part of the year! I don't think I could live anywhere that didn't have spring time.

Time to go feel the breeze and have fun with my Boo Boo! Looking forward to it :)

Ending The Cycle...Circumcision

With the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade that just approached, it really got me thinking even more so than after Boo Boo was born on whether I did the right thing by circumcising him. I am very pro-choice and about keeping woman's reproductive rights, but it never fully measured that I was being a hypocrite to my own son by voiding him of his! What was wrong with me for doing such a thing? Will I ever be forgiven by my son? Can we finally break all these cycles and let humans of both genders have reproductive rights?


While I was pregnant with Boo Boo, I had so many decisions to make that at the end of the day I always ended up with huge thinking headaches! Sometimes I couldn't sleep because I couldn't shut off my brain along with being uncomfortable.
Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, diapers, clothes, cribs, toys, and so on. You name it, I had to think about it for 9 months on whether I was for or against it. To be honest I didn't always let hubby have a say either. So after we found out it was a boy and the doctor asked us about circumcision, I looked right at him for once and let him answer. I simply thought " I don't have a penis, I won't decide." But I should have taken it a step further and not let hubby decide either, that it is my son's choice, and his alone.

Like I said, so much else was running through my brain. Hubby wanted it done, everyone I know had it done and never heard a complaint, so it really didn't seem like a big deal to me anyways. I kind of pushed it back into my head to re-open after he was born.

I had a friend try to convince me not to circumcise. I don't know why, but I thought all that was silly. When I should have taken the time to really research it, I just did a quick biased one, thought it would be fine, and went on searching for the best cloth diapers to use. I was so clueless. Also, hubby wanted none of it. I guess, it was his way of saying that there was nothing wrong with his manhood. Yep, men and their manhood...Hubby is true to that one!
Again, I was pregnant, uncomfortable, and thought it was just what most boys did. I figured I would give the final answer after he was born and left part of me open for not having it done.

So Boo Boo was born via cesarean and that first 24 hours was a blur! A good 12 of it I was drugged and another 12 recovering from being drugged. I am one who hates being drugged and only would take Ibuprofen after that first round of drugs they gave me, because boy was I out of it! I took that pain over being drugged, but glad to not have that initial pain right afterwards. 
Anyways, I was recovering from the drugs when they came to take him for the circumcision. I didn't even get to think! So a yes was said and off he went...

While he was recovering from his circumcision I knew I made a mistake, but I told no one. Not even hubby. It was like one of those things that no one talked about and kept hushed. I wondered how many other mothers felt this way and didn't speak up as well. It was as if it was a situation that if I didn't talk about it, it didn't exist. I didn't want hubby and everyone to think I was overreacting or to tell me to give it up. I knew that what was done was done.  So I just kept it to myself and acted like it was all okay.


Thankfully it went off without a hitch and his doctor said he had a great one. Never any issues. So I am blessed for that after hearing what can go wrong with many boys.

Changing his diapers, oh my stars! How could I have done this to him? The bleeding, and you could tell he was in pain! I felt like a horrible mom! Here I was a new mom and I already felt like the world's worst mother for putting him in pain.  I could barely breastfeed him (luckily a nipple shield fixed that) and now I put him in pain for no good reason at all. Hormones running through me, man it was crazy. Not talking about it didn't help as well. I just did my best to think about his being healthy and focused on that. I figured I would talk about it when I was ready.

Now I am ready.

Sometimes when I change him or bathe him, seeing it still makes me feel a little guilty. But it gets better. I hope to be brave enough to talk about it soon outside of my blog. But it's hard. It is hard to admit you made a mistake that you really can not fix. It is hard to know that others around you won't feel the same way you do. It is hard when you know you need to stick up for your child, but you don't know where to start. It is hard being a first time mom and knowing that you will continue making these mistakes. How do you know the best choices for your kids? How do you find the right answers, will you ever? Do you just hope that you aren't setting them up for failure? Is that hope enough? Is is even worth feeling guilty over something like this? These are some questions I ponder many a times. Making it even harder to come forward on this subject. At least, this is the case for me.

I can't change what was done. I can't just focus on the past. All I can do is move on and educate. Thinking my friend was crazy, she wasn't! Now I can join her in on the "craziness" so to say. Sometimes it takes learning those lessons the hard way. No one is perfect, I know I am far from it. I am just lucky to have a happy and healthy growing boy and keep learning along with him.  That is all any parent can do. I just hope that more people can learn about this BEFORE it's done. So that one day it will no longer be.

I now know any future son(s) of mine will remain intact, I know this without telling hubby. I probably won't really talk too much to him about it unless we have another son. Sometimes I bring up things about future kids and he always says "let's focus on the one we got", so I do my best to follow that, as there is no need to argue about what ifs, etc.

I will join the fight in getting rid of circumcision for newborns all together. Just like I will always fight for women and the right to their own reproduction. I won't shy away. I won't be embarrassed to say "yes I made that mistake, I won't ever again and I hope you don't either". All we can do is take what we learned and make it better going forward.  Some learn the hard way, others don't.  Some won't open their eyes until its too late, others just won't understand. All we can do is educate and hope for the best.
My friend had hoped the best for me, and I failed. But that doesn't mean it's a lost cause and to not keep trying. The rates of circumcision get lower and lower, so it is working! Don't give up now, never give up for choices for everyone, both boys and girls. 

I don't see anything wrong with a boy wanting to be circumcised, and they should have that choice themselves after looking at all the pros and cons to do so. But for a newborn boy, I don't think it should be so, and I hope in the future that it isn't even an option at birth. That we let them decide for themselves when they are old enough to do so. Also, for me, it just seems so wrong to put a newborn baby through that after they just went through the long and tiring birth process.

I will sit down with my son when he is old enough to understand. I don't want him to think there is anything wrong with his manhood, but I want him to understand that I made the mistake to not let him fully decide for himself, and to hopefully open his eyes to it all. To hope that any grandson(s) of mine will be given that choice if it is still being done to newborns when my son is ready to have kids.
To end the cycle. 
That is all I can hope for in my family...

This was very hard to me to come out and say. Especially this being a heated topic. (Yes, a boys penis is a heated topic, who would figure)?  I would never attack someone who decides to do this to their son, heck I did! But, whether you feel the same way or not, in the end I hope my story at least helps others to FULLY research before hand, and to do so open mindfully.  Don't just push it to the side like I did. And if you do decide to circumcise, of if you decide not to, you know that you did the best you could to find out about it and feel confident in your decision. 

Need some websites to get started? Here is a few I found (though I found them too late...)

**This one is my favorite and easiest to read**

• http://circumcisiondecisionmaker.com/  

 Other good ones with lots of information:

•  http://www.circumcision.org/ 
• http://www.cirp.org/ 
• http://www.infocirc.org/index-e.htm 

It took me days to write this out and many emotions came through. As I sit here with my 5 1/2 month old son, I am so thankful to have him in my arms. I still kick myself over and over on this subject. As me being not very old school, I still wonder how I fell through the cracks on this one. And I am somewhat angry at the other mothers of boys surrounding me not speaking up after putting their baby boy through that pain and why they still agree to it after witnessing such a thing. And I am somewhat angry at my husband for wanting his son to go through the same pain he did even though he doesn't remember it. Just angry right now as I type this after all these sad, guilty, and frustrating emotions have been going through me for 5 months. 

Being a mother is like no other. I had no idea how it would change me, and now I am starting to see those changes. 

Please forgive me son, although I may never forgive myself, I hope that you will forgive me...

End the cycle

Naps? What are Those?

My son is 5 months and already fights me on naps. I am SO looking forward to the toddler years....hahaha

But seriously, he doesn't want to nap! It's like he misses out on something when he naps! It's crazy! He gets tired and when I try to put him down he freaks out! Screams for a good 10-20 minutes before I can calm him down to sleep. Geez! It's fun...yep....loads...

Sometimes if the timing is right, a bottle puts him down. If not, oh no! The fun begins. I rock him, hold down his arms and legs (he otherwise keeps moving to stay awake and he is too big for swaddling now) and just shush him down to sleep with his pacifier. Sometimes it works in 5 minutes. Other times, its been an hour later and I feel like pulling out my hair! Yikes!

I got a smart one too. You just say nap, or ni-ni or nighttime, oh boy! He gets mad! He can already say ni-ni, so he will say it when he is tired and then get mad! It's so cute!

I get on a roll sometimes where I can time it all just right. About every 2 hours he needs some sort of nap, so if I get those time frames right he can usually go down fairly easily. But to be too early or too late, forget about it!

I don't really have a nap time routine. I think I may try one, but I am not sure what yet. They say keep it similar to bedtime, but for bedtime it is bath, message/lotion, a bottle, then rock to sleep. So I really don't know what I can take from that for naps....hmmm....

And I just love it when he gets good naps in, he is such a great baby and easy going! If only we could get like that everyday! He gets so crabby and than doesn't want to be put down when he isn't napping. It drives me crazy by the end of the day! 

Do I just get use to one that hates to sleep?

I hope I find a good solution soon. I need to keep my sanity and I would like a happy sleeping baby!


So don't fear, you are not alone if your baby is like mine and refuses to sleep...

First Period

Just got over my first postpartum period. I have to admit I was so scared to get it! You hear these horror stories and how some women have that first period for a month, or horrible cramps, etc. I was so not looking forward to it!

I knew that when I stopped breastfeeding, mother nature would come roaring back sooner or later, so about a month after I stopped, sure enough it did.

But guess what? It was normal! My easy peasy period! Not much cramping, and only a few days of heavy bleeding, then tampering off.

Lucky ducky me! :)

Now watch, my next one will have enough blood and groans for a horror movie.... ;p